Journey to Avalon

This past October--as Superstorm Sandy was bearing down on our corner of the world--I entered the Sisterhood of Avalon .  After fifteen years of thinking about walking the Goddess path of Avalon, I finally made application and was welcomed.  Here I would like to share what I shared with the Sisterhood.

I think I had the best and healthiest spiritual upbringing a child could experience. To begin, my parents were themselves spiritual explorers, having thought through the mainstream dogma of their youth to a point of universal acceptance and a belief of the divine inherent in everything (and in nothing). We had no labels and really didn’t need any. They taught me the basics of morality and ethics, and the significance of the intangible, that which really couldn’t be described in words. There were Neopagan and Wiccan influences, but I was encouraged to study and experience all faiths so that I might be of better service to humanity.

The following bit of verse is how I’ve managed to best explain my spiritual origins and my understanding.

My path is sacred, though it names nothing deity
Yet all things like wind and snails and light are holy
This path is me, is mine, is myself
The guiding light of the heart glows in my mind's eye
Compassion, kindness, love and gentle regard
Acting the words for those without a voice
Cherishing this moment, right now, as the best ever
Secure in the gnosis of the Aether and the Other
Laughter is the language of the spirit
So has been the path so far

No female figure has ever been as strong and as meaningful to me as my own mother. Not only has she been everything maternal, she encouraged me to embrace what in my experience other mothers were hesitant to discuss—my own being as a woman and the journey of womanhood. She never used the word “Goddess” exactly, but she evoked a kind of reverence and devotion within me, that which I came to know as the Goddess. When I reached menarche at ten years old, my mother helped me celebrate my transition and demonstrated how this cycle was a manifestation of the female divine. That I am now at this point on the path of the Goddess began with my mother encouraging me to take joy in being of the female divine. 

I don’t think I qualify as a beginner—but on the other hand, aren’t we all beginners in the eyes of the Goddess?

I began my studies in depth with the Temple of the Ways, a progressive Pagan tradition celebrating the goddess Nehallenia. In addition to being an active member in the Re-Formed Congregation of the Goddess, I began several new Goddess-oriented projects and initiatives—Spiral Way, Grove of the Seven Sisters, the Tribe of Theagenia, the Sisterhood of Themiskyra, and most recently Kitty Boston Coven Unlimited in honor of my grandmother.

I earned my BA from Muhlenberg College in History/Religious Studies/Linguistics in 1993, and went on to pursue graduate studies at Florida State University. I have both taken and taught independent coursework in the history of Neopaganism, Reconstructionism, group and individual therapy, group dynamics, and mediation/conflict resolution.

I am a regular participant and occasional ritual leader in local groups and circles. But I go where I am needed, and so I often serve as visiting clergy with other groups. My favorite action is when I attend interfaith gatherings as a representative of alternative faiths. I carry the community with me, and I am honored to speak as best I can on everyone’s behalf.

Walking my path has been a sincere spiritual adventure, one that has challenged ideas of which I was once certain and one that has helped me develop new thoughts. That I have evolved in mind and spirit over the years is an absolute for me. At the end of the day, I would like to discover who we are and why are we here.

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A reflection of the Goddess Herself, Avalon has many layers.  For me, Avalon is a place of the spirit, what I call Avalon of the Mind.  The island is also Avalon of the Heart and Avalon of the Soul.  But whatever I call it, Avalon is a vital part of me, a place very real.

When we consider Avalon as a geographic place of dreams, the island is an earthly manifestation of the Goddess.  Her lake offers us a means of reaching the shores, which can be a metaphor for the process of attaining wisdom and reflection.  The waters can be crossed and the challenge is surmountable, but we are still required to make an effort in the journey.  Upon the island we are not burdened with the seductive flash of the modern world.  Instead we are gifted with a simple splendor, the gentle beauty of trees and hills, the crisp sweetness of apples and the pure taste of cold spring water.  Avalon is the Goddess showing Her love.

Yet the Goddess sometimes seems intangible and untouchable.  This is no cruel joke or a streak of malice.  Rather this is the natural result of our mortal human condition trying to reach across a cosmic gulf to touch the divine.  Avalon then is a construct that represents that divine in images and feelings we are able to experience and understand.  If a woman wants to connect with the Goddess, all she need do is bite into an apple.

Avalon is often imagined as a place of peaceful endings.  For me, Avalon is a land of new beginnings.  When I picture the island and I feel what for me is the Goddess within, I experience an eagerness to learn, to explore new things.  I feel that I have only a cursory understanding of Avalon, and the island is beckoning me to undertake the journey to a more complete understanding.  I am encouraged to seek, and to realize that there is truly never any real end to the search.  I am inspired.

Much like the cupped hand of the Goddess, Avalon is a cradle of nurturing energies.  For many years I have found refuge in Avalon of my mind.  By eating a symbolic apple and drinking from the symbolic well, I am refreshed and renewed.  I am made whole and strong and ready to tackle the challenges on my path.

What does Avalon mean to me?  Avalon represents the reason I am on the path of the Goddess.  Avalon is not only comfort and beauty, but it is the strength to rise up and meet adversity.  Just as I feel the Goddess has embraced me, Avalon is welcoming me, and there is much work to be done.  

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I tend to be an optimist.  I believe that circumstances will work out for the best.  But our lives aren’t always about the good and the positive.  We may find ourselves in despair so deep we begin to question how we can go on—or if we can go on at all.  This is the time when we find out who and what we really are, and what we are capable of doing.

In considering what I can bring to the Sisterhood, I naturally thought first of more concrete benefits.  I have been active in the Pagan community for more than 20 years and have been successful in fostering good spiritual experiences.  I am a scholar of history and religion, which I have combined in my forays into the Pagan Way, and I would be happy to contribute what I can where it is needed.  I am a trained herbalist with a concentration in women’s healing that I will gladly offer to anyone in the Sisterhood in need.  Above all and encompassing everything, the way of the Goddess is bright and true to me.  I feel Her guidance in my life, encouraging me to live loving, caring, soothing, seeking, and always to act in compassion.

But it’s how to survive that may be the knowledge that will serve the Sisterhood best.  We’ve all been in pain, we’ve all known suffering.  Life is not about avoiding the unpleasant, for the unpleasant is part of life.  But it’s these challenges that allow us to find out who we are and how strong we can be.

As a member of the Sisterhood, I would share this understanding—how to work through pain as a challenge to be accepted and surmounted.  If we are refreshed by the Goddess and a bit of Avalon, we can all find the inner strength to survive when life goes sour.  After all, there is much joy and beauty in life, but these things require their balance.  To me, being of Avalon means accepting the dark, the painful, and the sad as the natural entities they are.

Considering the state of the world, sisterhood is more important than ever.  We as women need to know we can rely upon each other, as each of us is a part of the Goddess.  Perhaps the fire of the Sisterhood that we can kindle in Avalon can create a light that will pervade the world of women everywhere.  I want to bring this philosophy to the Sisterhood, the philosophy of taking what comes as from the Goddess and meeting Her challenge.  We all can push through the pain.

Pearls of Wisdom

95% of a successful relationship is simply showing up.

"I love you" has a worth unparalleled to the human psyche.

Never hold back, because who dares, wins.

True love is more than a candlelight dinner with roses and jewlery.  True love will hold back your hair when you're wretching from a stomach flu.

Always say what you are thinking.  Never assume attempts at mind reading will be successful.

Hopefully, you will never have to feign interest in the life of your loved one, for being your loved one should make that person inherently interesting.

When all else fails, try laughter.

You are better off on your own than in a bad relationship.

Honesty is a really good idea.  For one thing, it makes for less things to remember.

Don't confuse love with lust, although both have their place.

True affection requires no learning because true affection is its own best teacher.

When all is said and done, life really does go on.

Recipe for the Ladies

FEMININITEA
--to attune with yourself
--to reflect
--to pause
--to rest and heal the psyche

2 parts raspberry leaf
2 parts pennyroyal HERB (NOT the oil!)
1 part dried lavender flowers
1 part catnip
1 part bay leaf

Combine the ingredients with water in a pan.  Bring to boil and then let steep for 15 minutes.  You can add honey for a better flavor.

Nine Gifts from the Cauldron

Poetry sings

Reflection maintains

Meditation preserves

Lore promotes

Research questions

Knowledge gives

Intelligence arranges

Understanding nourishes

Wisdom ennobles

The Sanctity of Laughter

A funny thing happened at my high school reunion.

With great Pagan panache, I appeared in a purple gown cut along the lines of a classical Greek robe. I wore what I call my Pagan bling bling, a pentagram about the diameter of a Big Gulp cup sprinkled with amethyst chips. After all, I had no reason to disguise what I was under a cloak of the mundane. These were people who had known me back when I was a caterpillar. Now I was a caterpillar with wings.

Anyway, I got a drink of Generic Punch X and went to join a cluster of people. It took twenty seconds for the question to hit. "When did you convert?"

Once I figured out he was talking to me, I tried making the most vacuous face I possibly could. "Convert?"

"Yeah. To Judaism." Politely he motioned to my above-mentioned bling bling. "That's a pretty Star of David you've got."

This wasn't the first time. I mean I understand how a star is a star unless you know that there's a vital difference. Maybe other Pagans would take this opportunity to expound upon the ancient history of the pentagram, continuing long after any interest has waned. I didn't. "It's a symbol of natural religion," I said by way of clarification. That seemed to be enough. The evening went on and I discovered that all of the ritual work in the world would never make me a dancer.

A few mornings later I was relating this story to a Wiccan friend on the subway. To my surprise, she covered her mouth with a silver-decked hand and gasped. "You must have been so offended!"

Offended? Well actually, I wasn't. How could I be? My reunion chums were familiar with the Star of David but not with the pentagram. As none of them are Pagan, I wouldn't have expected them to recognize the pentagram. Regardless, I'd gotten a good laugh out of the event. I couldn't quite understand why my aforementioned friend found more offense than humor.

"He who laughs last didn't get the joke."

In recent months I've encountered a growing number of Pagans who seem to have misplaced their senses of humor. It's my hope that I'm just running into killjoys and not a representative population. We're not really in a humor crisis, are we? One of the things I like about Pagan paths is the sense of humor and the idea that spirituality should be fun. I like being able to laugh at myself. There's nothing so serious that an injection of good humor won't improve it. That being said, is it any wonder that I just have to shrug at Pagans full of their own importance, Pagans who won't deign to have a good laugh?

Laughter is a gift from the divine. It is the divine expressing joy and elation through us. Every laugh is a thank-you to the Powers That Be for life and the ability to enjoy life. Through laughter, not only is the divine served, but we serve ourselves as well. We've all heard the adage about laughter being the best medicine. Humor is good for us. A good chuckle reduces stress and raises the level of endorphins in the body, leaving us to feel especially good. Perhaps best of all, humor helps to keep the episodes of life in good perspective.

When I was learning the Wiccan path I had the benefit of a close-knit group and circle elders who understood the sanctity of humor. The woman who was both priestess and mentor always reminded us to laugh at ourselves. If I forgot the words to my Full Moon oration, I learned to have a good "D'oh!" and then go back to dip into the endless cauldron of inspiration. Ritual may be sacred, but it is also a circus begging for messes to occur. People are going to spill the libation and knock over candles. Rain can soak the most devoted of celebrants, turning a grand outdoor observance into an ad libbed indoor rite. Maybe the person baking the esbat cakes used the driest recipe possible.

This is all part of what makes the celebration dynamic and personal. There are a lot of opportunities for things to go wrong, in that the Powers That Be have given us built-in openings for humor and laughter. To err may be human, but to be able to get up and laugh at one's self is a gift.

All right then, so somebody explain to me why someone - anyone - would abandon the gift of humor. You can be serious about your path without taking yourself too seriously. Are people choosing to give up humor in exchange for dry observation and almost mechanical experience? I cannot tell if people are not getting subtle humor or if they are refusing to roll in the mud of laughter and silliness. Recently, I've come to wonder if this isn't the price all of us as a community must pay after decades of endless challenges from more orthodox religious traditions. Has all the fighting knocked the laughter out of us? I don't believe it.

Everybody, listen up! We're not like the traditions that focus more on the negative aspects of being human. The spiritual world touches us all, and engaging with the spiritual world is fun! Celebrate with laughter the hours of the day and the seasons of the year. Giggle at what strikes you funny. Take a good look at yourself and ask if you might be taking yourself too seriously. Does a question from a newcomer inspire you to a relaxed explanation or to indignant frustration?

Somewhere you have your own Pagan bling bling. You have your own story to tell of a path-related incident that made you laugh. This is the Powers That Be touching you and letting you know of their love. Embrace that sense of humor and laugh out loud to the stars. Laugh until you don't have the power to laugh anymore. This is message sent and received. This is the appreciation of the cosmic gift.